I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
