I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
