kristin has been a bad kristin
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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