I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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