why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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