I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
