A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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