we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
