census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
