So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
