my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
