Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
