a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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