So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
