...so i touched it.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
