I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
