Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
