After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There r osticjed everywhere
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
