I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
