im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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