when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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