dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize