also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
