come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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