I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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