3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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