Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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