mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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