it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
