never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
