dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
