You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
