Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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