C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
