atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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