the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
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I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
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If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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