Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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