It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
