There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
