I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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