i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
