If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
