allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
