So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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