what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
