You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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