Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
