Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
