guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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