Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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