Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i want to swaddle you in tequila
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
