note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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