Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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