I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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