Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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