That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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