One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
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At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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