Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
