guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
