you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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