I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
