**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
