I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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