YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Is it because I queefed?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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