just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
