I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
