am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
