i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think I won the penis lottery.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
