If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Found your dick twin last night
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
