Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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