With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
