Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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