That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
