Quick, to the slutcave!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
